Disclaimer: Legal stuff, don't own characters, haven't made any money, this is for entertainment purposes, no profit earned, lawyers go away. –kisses-
POV: Shifts Perspective
Spoiler Alert: There are tidbits from past episodes and Spanderverse: stories.
Notes: Seventh story in the Spanderverse-universe, following “Preludes”. Everything from the television series through the defeat of Adam also occurred as depicted, in the Spanderverse.
People’s thoughts are depicted in italics. You’ll find emphasis depicted with an underline.
Thanks to the authors of Fanfiction, wherever you may post. It’s probable that I’ve read at least one of your stories somewhere. I apologize for recycling concepts inadvertently from the plentitude of stories I’ve read.
Ch 1- Disturbing Thoughts
Xander Harris lay next to a lightly snoring Anya in their new bedroom. The room was still more or less a disaster, but it was beginning to shape up a bit. The dresser was installed in a corner and perhaps half of their packed clothing had made it into the drawers. The bedroom window was cracked open letting in the pre-daylight sounds of a sleeping Sunnydale. Mostly cricket noises, but occasionally a truck would go by, probably headed toward a bakery.
He sighed and shifted onto his right side so that he could look at the alarm clock. The display said 0430 in red numerals. Groaning quietly to himself, he decided there was no way he could just lay there anymore. He’d woken up approximately forty minutes ago from a disturbing dream and found himself wide awake now.
Shifting his weight toward the edge of the bed ever so carefully, so as not to disturb Anya, he crossed the few footsteps from their bed to their bathroom in the dark. Once inside the little room, he closed the door and then fumbled for the light switch.
The vanity lights blinded him for several seconds, making him squint until his eyes adjusted. He walked to the sink. Turning only one of the faucets, he began splashing his face with the cold water. When he looked up and met his own eyes, he saw a man in a state of confusion. Worse, he imagined he could see his alter-egos just behind his eyes.
“I don’t see why you’re so bothered.” The voice in his head matched the guttural tones that he’d heard when he met “Hyena-Xander” so recently. “Spike is a fitting mate. And you may decide one day that you want or need to lead the pack.”
“There is no pack,” Xander whispered to his reflection. “There never was a pack. Their family bitch, not a group of animals. Besides, I’m with Anya and that spectacle with Spike was all you. It had nothing to do with me.”
Another voice echoed in his head, this one sounding far more like himself, if a bit more forceful. “Come on, Xander. At least let’s tell the truth to ourselves,” the Commando personality went on, “You and Spike have been dancing around each other for months now. And neither one of you are thinking ‘pals’.”
“That isn’t true! I’m straight, and so are you. You should be arguing with me against the Hyena, not with her… uh, him… whatever! And, hello! It was Spike and Dru, not Spike and Angel. He’s straight - I’m straight so we don’t have a problem, here.”
Xander wrenched the water tap off and turned away from the mirror in disgust. He didn’t know if
Getting into the shower, he adjusted the water until the spray was almost too hot. He could feel the tension bunched in his shoulders, his neck, and the pit of his stomach. His dreams all night had been bothering him. It felt like someone else was traipsing in his skull, leaving bits of detritus behind for him to find. They weren’t his dreams. They belonged to his two counterparts.
He’d dreamed of taking apart an M-16 and cleaning it. He dreamed of growling and snarling at an intruder he couldn’t see. He dreamed of being out on nighttime maneuvers in some god-forsaken jungle. That one was easily one of the most disturbing since he’d never been near a jungle in his life. Not since the aftermath of Ethan’s tampering in his life did he wonder and worry over where these ‘memories’ were coming from. It was obvious that the possession wasn’t just a costume thing taking over his personality; it had instilled new abilities and the memory of doing things he’d never done. Almost everything that he’d gained from that wacky Hellmouth-Halloween had faded. There were the odd moments, like recognizing that tracer the Initiative had shot into Spike; otherwise those memories and more importantly the personality was gone. Not anymore and Xander found himself far more unnerved now than he’d been then.
The far more disturbing aspect of Toth’s recent magic though, was Hyena. She/He had never left a trace of personality before. That first possession had been isolated (or so he’d always thought, Toth’s spell seemed to indicate otherwise) and short lived. Sure, he’d remembered things, but there was no personality… no gruff voice in his head afterward. And there were no dreams. No dreams about Spike.
Xander’s forehead rested against the shower wall as the hot water beat onto his back. The Spike-dreams were what was bothering him most, of course. He’d woken up with a hard on that could have punched a hole in brick and it was because of what he’d dreamt. Being in Spike’s arms, feeling his cool skin against Xander’s own far warmer body; the dream still retained its clarity. He didn’t remember what Spike had tasted like, but he recalled in too-vivid detail kissing his mouth. He also remembered the feeling of the vampire’s cold, but hardened nipple being teased by his tongue and the way Spike had moaned his name before flipping the two of them over, allowing the vampire to be on top. Spike had just been sliding a finger underneath him and into the nether regions of his ass when he’d woken up.
He was most disturbed.
Xander’s eyes snapped open; he trying to suppress… no, to scrub away the memories of the dream. He glanced down in embarrassment and shame to see his cock had responded to his mind’s replay. Savagely, he twisted both faucets; the hot being turned off while the cold stunned his body. Refusing to step out of the cold spray, he instead tilted his face into it. Not until he was shivering uncontrollably did he turn the water off. He glared at his flaccid dick, daring it to attempt rising again, but it remained shrunken from the cold. Xander never thought he’d think it, but sometimes shrinkage was a good thing.
He began scrubbing himself dry with the towel. He refused to meet his image in the vanity mirror, afraid that he’d see the shadow of his two comrades again. They’d decided to be quiet once more and he was happy to leave things that way.
As he sat down on the tub’s edge to dry his legs and feet, he thought, “I will not have these thoughts; these feelings again. And I won’t dream like that again. I love Anya, damn it. We are going to be together and nobody is going to change that!”
Xander returned to the bedroom, feeling around in the dark. Outside, there was just the barest hint of a lightening of the sky to presage the coming of day. He grabbed up his clothes; underwear, socks, pants, and a shirt all without seeing them. He hoped that they would match enough to wear together. Anya had tried to convince him that she could better dress him if he’d let her. He was being stubborn over the issue, however. That had been something Commando-Xan had promised her and since he’d already had to honor the rental contract on this apartment….
As he stumbled toward the bedroom door, he caught sight of Anya’s shadowed form lying peacefully on the bed. He tiptoed over to her and spent several seconds gazing down at her, trying to summon the overwhelming feelings of love that he could remember Commando feeling after he’d just shown her the apartment. He frowned briefly; then leaned forward over her to place a gentle kiss on the temple of her head.
After breathing in the scent of her, he quickly left the bedroom. In the living room he dressed, still in complete darkness. Without checking the clock he left for work. The worse that would happen is he’d spend some time in his new, used car waiting for the site to open to the guys. At least there, he wouldn’t doze off… wouldn’t dream.
End Ch 1